If you want to sing out, sing out, and if you want to be free, be free, cause there's a million ways to be, you know that there are.
--Cat Stevens

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Perfectionists Anonymous

Hi My name is Amy and I am a perfectionist.  I have learned that for now I can't do goals because I allow them to ruin my life.  I have put off working on my blog  seriously for nearly a year because I was afraid I wouldn't be good enough and it wouldn't be perfect. It's been about two months since I have really gotten serious about my blog, and I have been shocked at how much work it is.  Fun, and enjoyable most of the time but work nonetheless,  I had hoped to get 4-5 post done a week.  I am glad I never made that a hard and firm goal because it would have driven me batty.  Every post has to be imagined, the stuff for it has to be made, pictures have to taken, the post written and edited, and lots of other little administrative things done.  I have a to-do list a mile long with posts I want to write, projects that need finishing, emails to be written, etc--not to mention the laundry overflowing in my bathroom/ laundry room, the mess in the kitchen or the dinner that needs to be prepped.  Everytime I see my blog I simultaneously cringe and glow.  Glow because I am proud of what I have been able to do so far and I remember all the good things I have done and shared.  Cringe because it's not perfect, because I want to to rewrite the CSS, draw a logo, write more posts, fix errors, etc.  I am learning that it's ok not to be perfect but it's hard.  Sometimes everything just makes me want to quit, because it's not "Good enough".  Sometimes I want to work all night to finish some little project that doesn't really matter in the larger scheme of things.  Sometimes I forget to eat because I need to finish x y or z.  But I am learning just because things aren't perfect doesn't mean they are good.  Just because I am not perfect doesn't meant I am not worthy of love.  I am a recovering perfectionist and like everyone else just striving to find balance.

I made an In/Out box for my husband to deal with stack of papers clogging up his desk way back in the beginning of January.  As of this morning we still hadn't put it into use because can you guess why?  It wasn't perfect.  After making it I agonized over the black smudge by the IN and the rough look  of it, over whether or not I should glue the boxes together or leave them separated, over the best spot to put and whether it was the right size.  On a off I have agonized over whether it was "done" or not.  The other day I asked Pat why he hadn't used it yet--why he didn't like it.  His answer was a revelation to me--It's fine, but I wasn't sure if you were done with it and I didn't want to upset you.  Oh.  You mean he didn't notice all the little things that were bugging me and didn't care that it wasn't glued together etc. Perfectionism is MY pit and most of the time when we are busy obsessing about some little imperfection everyone else is just going on with their lives.  I couldn't tell you haw many happy moments, how many opportunities, how many friends I haven't made, how much peace I haven't had because I have been too paralyzed by my quest for perfection.

So here is my imperfect but perfectly functional in/out tray that I put into use this morning  complete with messy desk and disorganized room.
Today I am ok with just good enough!  How about you?

1 comment:

  1. I can completely relate! I want to do it all and do it right! The smudge on the in box isn't bad but I would of made myself redo it just because that is me.

    Good look and please send us some tips on how not to worry about everything being perfect!