In January I told you that I wasn't doing any resolutions this year. It's going to be hard to describe this but that was totally a turning point moment for me. I feel like I finally gave myself permission to be me just as I am now and not who I might be in 5 years or even tomorrow. That person is not real, she doesn't exist yet and she might not ever exist. And somehow I don't think torturing myself with self criticism and overwhelming goals etc in the here and now will help her.
I suffer from a couple of auto-immune disorders, debilitating migraines, and severe depression. I usually don't tell people this, because I don't like trying to explain something most people simply don't understand. I don't like the weird, pitying looks or the unhelpful advice that I have received. I don't like being made to feel like I am pretending to be sick because I look just fine. So I have learned not to tell anyone and to pretend like I just fine. I am explaining it to all of you now, because it plays into what I have learned in my experiment over the last month of just trying find peace. Sometimes as I pretend to everyone else that I am not sick, I convince myself that I am not sick. I am not sure I ever realized this before, but as I have stopped trying to meet any specific goals and simply tried to do things in the moment that make me happy and comfortable I have started to realize that most of the time I push my body too hard. I can put a smile on my face and pretend to the world that I am just fine, but I have to tell my self the truth. I have to realize that I am sick and I need to pay attention to my body. Listening to my body has helped me so recently, by stopping whatever I am doing when I start to feel tired or hurting, I have actually been able to get more done rather than less.
That's all well and good you say but what does being sick have to with superpowers? Nothing. And everything. We all have weaknesses I have just described a few of mine to you and we all have strengths--superpowers if you will. When we fight our weakness--either by believing they are insurmountable ( I love that word it is so much fun to say) or by pretending they don't exist, we are paying our selves a great disservice. Paying so much attention to our "negative" traits, draws our attention away from what we are good at. So as I have began to seek balance in my life and gave myself permission to be imperfect. I started to see that I was awesome; I could see all sorts of things that I was good at that I had ignored because they hadn't fit into my narrow vision of what I wanted.
Everyone has superpowers some of them are silly and some of them seem unimportant but they are part of what make you unique. Your superpowers are the things that you are really good at, things that make your heart sing, and the silly things that only you seem to do.
So what ARE your super powers you say? Well okay okay... I am good at talking, but in recent years I have become a superstar listener. I am a good teacher, patient ( well most of the time), and a great sight reader--both music and books. I can read at the speed of light, and I am great at reading aloud, good with kiddos, I know how to relax and have a good time ( doesn't sound like much of a super power but trust me it can be). I am good at cooking, crocheting, knitting ( well learning to be), and learning. And last but not least my super power is creativity--I always have at least a dozen crazy ideas cooking in my brain. I wish I was a little better at following through with them but that is a story for another day
I have had a lot of fun in January. I have learned a lot about myself and you know what at least for today I like me. That feels great to say. I Like ME!
So what are your super powers?